Voss has shared things like “You should always listen to other people rather than waiting to ask the question and this will split the difference between you and the person you’re talking to.”
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Never Split the Difference Summary
It’s safe to say that “Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss” is the best book written on negotiations. He has shared all the possible techniques that will come in handy in day-to-day life as well as in professional life.
The author simply says “We all are human and we all are emotional about something” so find that something when you’re talking to someone.
Now, you will connect emotionally with someone when you’re a good listener.
I mean we all know that you should always listen to the person you’re talking to but the fact is, not everyone does that.
Most people want to ask questions or talk about other stuff rather listening.
listening is a basic communication technique and yet, most people tend to forget.
So let’s talk about what Chris Voss has shared and what you should do to become a PRO-negotiator.
Be always a good listener because that’s the first rule
Let me give you an example,
Let’s you’re talking to your friend about Productive Mindset, you’re talking about how the author has shared everything about productivity in only 100 pages but your friend is like “Have you watched the new episode of Demon Slayer”.
He further goes “Have you seen the animation, till date, this is the best anime”
Now, what do you think about this?
I mean, imagine you’re at an office meeting and your co-workers are talking about new movies and tv shows rather than focusing on the meeting.
Put yourself in that position and see whether you’re a good listener or you’re one of them.
If you ask me “I’m a good listener, I can listen to my wife for hours or even someone else”
So the biggest takeaway is “always be a listener and don’t rush yourself and ask questions in between, take movement and see what the other person is talking about”.
This is the first step to becoming a good negotiator.
Use Specific Words When You’re Talking to Someone
Voss has specified a specific word for this which is “mirroring”.
It simply means, if you’re talking with your friend about a book called Atomic Habits and he is repeating a Habit word a lot then use that word when you start talking.
“I know right, Jeams has explained Habits in a simple format, I mean, how can someone write a book so simple about human behavior and especially that 1% rule”
So mirror the word that the other person is using but keep in mind, don’t overuse them because it won’t feel good.
This will only happen if you’re a good listener.
Use Words rather the Word
This is a very simple thing yet most people don’t use this,
Let’s say, you’re my boss and I’m working at your company for about 5 years as a writer and you’re paying me Rs 30,000 ($365) per month.
One day, I come to my office and said “I’m working for you for the last 5 years and my salary hasn’t increased”
You will be like “Look rahul, you’re right but we will talk about this later”
I will reply “Why?”
You “Right now, we have lots of projects and we have to finish them in a given time, I’m telling you, we will talk about your salary”
I will say “You don’t worry about the project, I’m working on them and it will be finished in the given time but today, I need a proper answer on my salary because I have been working for you for a long time and I didn’t get the salary hike at all”
Now, here one or two things will happen,
First will be “I will get a salary hike, If I’m important to the company”
Second “You will say, look, I’m not gonna lie, I can’t increase your salary right now, if you want to work with us with the same salary then do or you can always find a better job”
Now, what can I do, I can use your body language and ask the right questions at the right time.
So the moral of the story is “Never say YES or NO to someone, instant use words like, how, why, or even when” This will expand the conversation, and in between, things will change.
5 Powerful Takeaways from Never Split the Difference
- Nothing is more powerful than being a good listener.
- Using emotion will help a lot when you want something from someone because humans are emotional creatures.
- Always use words that the other person is using, this will show, you’re listening.
- Never say NO or YES to someone, if you want to continue the conversation. Use words like “how, when, and why”.
- Be present when you’re talking with someone, don’t just sit with your hands closed.
Quotes from Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
- “The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas”
- “Yes,” as I always say, is nothing without “How?”
- “ask, “Is now a bad time to talk?” Either you get “Yes, it is a bad time” followed by a good time or a request to go away, or you get “No, it’s not” and total focus.”
- Sometimes your attitude should be very easy and they should be encouraging sometimes.
- “Bite your tongue. When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions.”
- “The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is.”
- Negotiators must be active listeners in order to gain the trust of the other party.
Never Split the Difference Review
Not gonna lie, Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference has shared lots of things that will help you to become a negotiator, It must be read if you wanted to become a good communicator or even a negotiator.
The fun part for me was, the way he shared stories about experiences when he was an FBI negotiator.
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