If you want someone to like you and you don’t know how to do that then consider reading How to Win Friends and Influence People because Carnegie has shared powerful principles that will make you a loveable person in seconds.
This book was first published in October 1936 and yet, it didn’t get outdated. Whatever book you have read about communication and public speaking is inspired by How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Now, I have read this many times. So, let me share with you some of the key takeaways that will help you to understand the person you will talk to.
Let me first say thank you for reading this. This will be a weekly newsletter, hope you enjoy it. Now I will see you every Sunday at 9:00 AM (IST).
How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary
I read this book back in 2016 for the first time and it made me realize that it’s not that hard to talk to strangers or in public. The only thing you have to do is be yourself when you’re talking to someone.
You don’t have to try too hard.
For example, when you’re talking to someone,
- You don’t have to play with a smartphone or any kind of object you have in your hands.
- Don’t keep your hands in your pockets.
- Don’t use your smartphone.
- Don’t lose eye contact (also, you don’t have to stare at someone continually)
- Don’t fold your legs and hands.
These are the common things that you have to keep in mind when you’re talking.
During my school days, I was that person who used to fold my hands, play with whatever I had in my hands (just, don’t think about that thing), and I also had an issue with eye content.
So let me share with you 5 principles that will give you everything that you need to talk to anyone.
I’m keeping my promise, this is the mini-ebook of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. So download right now and read wherever you want for free. Happy Reading.
Your Eyes says Everything
Let’s say, you’re talking to a girl who you like the most but when you talk to her, you’re not able to keep eye contact with her.
This is a huge problem and it has a simple solution. The solution will sound boring but hear me out,
Be yourself. I told you but let me expand in a simple way.
When you’re talking to a girl, don’t think like you’re talking to only a girl. She is human, just like you and the fact is, you have had a conversation with a female.
Yes, I’m talking about your mother, sister, or any of your other relatives.
Now, I get it, the feeling will be different with the girl you like but in the end, she is a girl. So just behave like you’re talking to a human.
If you follow these steps and then you make eye contact then it won’t feel any different, you won’t feel nervous, or stressed, and in the end, you won’t think about whether you’re looking at her or not.
Because you will start enjoying the company rather than worrying.
So make sure when you’re talking to a male or female, whether it’s the first time or second, keep an eye on content because this will give a signal that this guy is paying attention to what I’m saying.
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Also, you don’t have to continually stare at someone. Be normal and whenever you feel like it, just move your eyes away and after a few seconds, come back to wherever you were.
Now, this feels great but at the end of the day, you have to take action and apply this principle in your life whether it’s with the girl you like or anyone you talk to next.
Just keep in mind that your eyes will give away lots of things when you’re having a conversation with someone.
Smile says Thousand Words
Just imagine, you’re talking to your friend about the Friends TV show and he is not giving any sort of reaction at all.
Now, tell me, How do you feel about it, not so good right?
In the same way, if you’re having a conversation and you’re just looking at him or her then think for a second, how that person would feel.
When you give a smile during the conversation, it will give a positive signal that, okay, this guy is paying attention to whatever I’m saying.
Sometimes, the person you’re talking to will open up more because he or she might feel comfortable talking to you.
Smile gives positive singles.
As Carnegie says in the book,
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, I like you.
You make me happy. I am glad to see you.
That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.”
You also have to know when to smile because if you just smile all the time then you will look creepy.
Now, if you’re paying attention then you don’t have to think about when to smile, it will come naturally.
So, Do me a favor and smile whenever you can because the fact is, it’s free and it doesn’t harm you in any way at all.
Interest is Key
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
I love the Friends TV show and if I find someone who also loves the show and I’m meeting that person for the first time then It won’t be hard to talk to him or her.
The reason is simple, I will feel that “Oh, this person is just like me because there is one common thing between us”
Now, of course, you will meet people whose Interests won’t align with yours and in this kind of situation. Just, listen carefully and pay your 100% attention to the person you’re talking to.
Don’t interrupt when she is talking about but when she stops, just through a few questions about whatever she was talking about or share something related to that conversation.
This way, she will feel that he is listening to whatever I’m saying and this will show that you’re interested in talking to her.
So yes, listening is the key part here. You don’t have to jump in the middle of the conversation. This will kill her interest in you.
As Carnegie says in the book,
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
So be a good or I would say, a great listener.
Also, keep in mind that, no one wants to hear what you like the most, people love to talk about themself.
So whenever you can, just make them feel good. Either give a compliment or appreciate their work or something.
As the author says “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
You don’t have to talk about yourself, no one likes it. So when you start a conversation with “I love cricket, I have given this exam, I love this or that game”
Rather ask, what is your favorite game? And when she or he relies, just add, me too, I liked this so much, I’m at this level, what about you?
People love it when someone says something nice but if you’re that person who always says “I have this car, I have this and I have that then people won’t talk to you for long”.
So rather than talking about yourself, talk about the person you’re talking to.
Say Their Name
I’m from India and I have noticed this “Whenever I’m in a hotel and if someone wants to order food then he or she will call the waiter with either, shh or here”
Now, the person who is visiting a hotel for the first won’t know the name of each waiter but after knowing the name still, they call the waiter with the same, shh, heyy, come here, or here.
This is not good at all. What it takes to just call her or his name. This will give a positive impression and the waiter will treat you better.
The same goes for the person you’re talking to.
Rather than saying “Hey, listen to me, you know that day…”
Just say “Rahul, can guess what happened during that night…”
This will give a single that, ohh, this person knows me. Now, he or she won’t think about it but subconsciously, this will give a positive impression.
As Carnegie says in the book,
“The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.”
Saying name during conversation is big, so make sure you remember the person you’re talking to and just casually drop the same whenever you feel like it.
One Last Step
Now, you know how to talk to anyone.
- Keep Eye Good Eye Content.
- Smile Whenever You Can.
- Show How Much You’re Interested.
- Say Their name during the conversation.
- Be a good listener.
Now, it’s time to take action. Whenever you’re talking with someone, use these principles and see how it turns out.
Remember “Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.”
No matter how many books you read or take courses on public speaking, if you don’t take action then nothing will help you.
So the last step is to take action and see where is the problem.
How to Win Friends and Influence People Lessons
- Eyes: Your eyes say lots of things, it can either give a positive or negative vibe. So always, maintain good eye contact.
- Smile: Conversation without a smile is nothing, so whenever you can give a smile. It will show that you’re paying attention.
- Interest: If you’re not interested in conversation then it will show up in your face, so pay attention to whatever he or she is talking about. Listening key part of any conversation.
- Name: Remember the name of the person you’re talking to and say his or her name whenever needed. Don’t use any other pronounce, just say a name.
- Action: Nothing will happen if you don’t take one step forward and apply whatever you learned. So go outside and use these principles in your life and see what comes out.
How to Win Friends and Influence People Quotes
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’ That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.”
“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”
“To be interesting, be interested.”
“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”
“If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people an honest appreciation of this side of insanity.”
“Once I did bad and that I heard ever. Twice I did good, but that I heard never.”
“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”
How to Win Friends and Influence People Review
What do I say, yes, How to Win Friends and Influence People is 100% worth reading, and every single person on this earth should read this book at least for one time. It is an old book but still, it gives you all the knowledge that you need to be a good communicator.
The book has 320 pages and every page is a goldmine if you read it carefully.
Now, if you have already read the book then bookmark this page and visit whenever you want. Think of it as, notes that will remind you of the learning of this book.
So you don’t have to re-read the book every single time.
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